About a month ago, I turned 22. For some, this may seem old. To others, this may seem young. To me, I feel old.
I did not cry this year when my birthday came around, but I did feel the emotions. Today, I wrote out my dentist appointment papers and had to jot down 22 as my age for the first time, which made it even more real.
I am 22 and about to leave school for the first time. After graduating high school, I went straight into college. Now, I am about to leave college in five months. All I know is school. I have yet to experience first love. There are pros and cons to that. No true heartbreak, but no boyfriend either, just some dates with guys who have all been sweet and respectful. No children. Recently, a pregnant 20-year-old gave me a surprised look because I do not have children yet. However, I am a christian so it is not even a question for me to have children until I get married. I also prefer it that way for my life after being born to unmarried young parents.
I often ask myself why certain boxes need to be checked off by my age. If I were married right now, I would feel like a young bride. If I had found my first love by now, I would feel like the majority of people my age. If I had a child by now, I would feel like a young mom. If I were a millionaire, I would feel too young to be a millionaire. However, since I have chosen not to check off certain boxes, it makes me feel old or like I have missed a mark since I am not riding the same wave as some of my friends.
The issue is not so much about my age but more of a mindset and feeling like I missed certain marks that should have been checked off by now. I do not often think about or convince myself that I am behind in any way, but when I do, it can hit really hard.
How do you tell your younger self that certain things just did not pan out the way you wanted or imagined? How do you handle not knowing the future and just hoping for the best?
Wanting the best for my life has panned out differently than I thought. I never expected that waiting for anything or having certain boxes checked would take this long.
I often think of that episode of Friends when Rachel turns 30 and cannot stop crying about growing older. Then I think of how blessed Rachel was to have the greatest friends to love her and be there for her despite not having certain boxes checked by her age. Sometimes, you just need a reminder that you are not behind or the only one experiencing life at your age. I guess I feel like Rachel but eight years younger. I definitely hope to have met the love of my life, have children, and be financially stable way before 30.
When I think of 30, it feels so far away, which means that truly anything can happen in the next eight years. I have eight years to build up this business. Eight years to meet the love of my life, get married, and have children. Eight years to check off some new boxes yet learn how not to put so much pressure on myself.
I always tell elders that it is a blessing to get older because you only live once, and you are only granted however many years you are given. If I knew that there was a chance that I would only live to be 22, I would feel so young because I pray to have much more life ahead of me after this point. I may as well cherish every day, continue to figure out what I want, and make it happen instead of moping around about growing older. I am not going to pretend like I am not blessed to be healthy and at an age where I can create long lasting habits.
As I write this blog, I have gone through all the feels. How I really feel about turning 22 and growing older, yet reminding myself that getting older is a blessing. I have not even graduated college yet, and that is the path I chose for my life. I could have so many years ahead of me. If I live to be 100, I have 88 years left. Now, that makes me feel young.
It is also a blessing to not be the only 22-year-old on the planet. I have many friends who are all experiencing the same life as me. Some who have already stepped into chapters that I look forward to stepping into and others who look forward to stepping into chapters that I am already in.
Growing older is beautiful no matter what anyone says. Every life is valuable no matter the age. We only get to experience this earth once, we may as well embrace it.
